me: brert
what up dude
Brett: yo
just at school
everyone is at a meeting
dude
have i ever told you about japanese toilets?
me: no...
11:05 PM Brett: they are the best
from the future
they are electric
they have heated seats
11:06 PM which rocks b/c its like 38 degrees today
they have both a bidet and a separate vag cleaner
11:07 PM the sink is built into the top of the toilet. Its the part that refills with water after you flush... so you dont waste any water when you wash your hands at all
11:08 PM me: haha
11:09 PM and you like the bidet?
nice and clean butt for your partner?
Brett: no dude
dont even talk
its the greatest
imagine having a squeaky clean ass all day
improves your confidence lol
11:10 PM or think about when you pinch one off, and it takes like a million wipes to clean it
you can just blast yourself with some high pressure and bam you're good as new with 2 wipes
me: that is awesome
Brett: did i mention you can adjust the pressure
me: i am actually envious
Brett: yeah man
11:11 PM its changed my life lol
some of them even make sounds for when you are in a public bathroom and you wanna let one rip
like a fake flush
me: i've read about that
Brett: haha yeah
me: dude
i was #3 in fantasy football all year
11:12 PM and #2 for a lot of it
and i just lost to the #6 player in the 1st round of playoffs as i scored my lowest score of the season
siiiiigh
Brett: weak
who fudged up for you?
i murdered, 130+pts
11:13 PM btw
11:15 PM me: i have been scoring like 135-170 all season
and i score 106
aaaaaahrg!!!
Brett: oh your league scoring must be different from mine
me: yeah
tiz
11:16 PM Brett: 130 is the highest i've scored all season and i'm in 1st
won 7 straight
me: what network do you play on?
i'm yahoo
Brett: me too
you must have more players
11:17 PM 2 QB's?
11:19 PM me: 1 qb
3 wr
2 rb
1 wr/rb/te
1 te
1 def
1 defensive player
Brett: ohhhh you have a flex
11:20 PM me: 1 k
Brett: woah and a defensive player?
me: yeah
Brett: oh crazy
me: yeah
Brett: we dont have flex or defensive player
me: did you play with 2 d's?
11:21 PM Brett: you mean did i keep one on my bench?
yeah and i would drop/add almost every week for the best matchups
11:22 PM me: 2 d's nutz bitch!
ooooooooh you fell for it!!!
the infamous brett henderson
Brett: damn!
lol
me: the guy with the $300 suit?
11:23 PM Brett: hah
check my team:
11:24 PM Aaron Rodgers, Adrian Peterson, Marion Barber/Knowshon, Andre Johnson, Sidney Rice, Michael Crabtree/Jeremy Maclin, Antonio Gates
11:25 PM NYG Kicker
Chargers plus whatever defense is playing the Rams or Raiders
11:26 PM me: how the hell did you get that team?
you have like 2 people in your league?
Brett: no i'm a baller
and i had first pick
11:27 PM rice, knowshon, maclin, the K and defenses were all free agent / waiver pickups
me: good calls
Brett: sidney rice put me over the top
my only draft bust was eddie fuckin royal
11:28 PM me: hah
Brett: oh and devery henderson
me: good team though
Brett: yeah
i didnt have any WR at the beginning of the year
besides johnson
so yeah sidney rice, crabtree, and maclin off the waiver wires is what saved me
11:29 PM actually our bball league is the only one that i'm sucking in out of like 4 leagues between fb and bball
me: ha
i am so sad that i lost first round
it hurts my eart
11:30 PM heart*
11:31 PM Brett: yeah thats weak
who was on your team
11:32 PM me: rodgers
mjd
reggie bush
11:33 PM steve smith (nyg)
randy moss
hines ward
patrick willis
ari/bal def
fred washington te
austin collie
Brett: who the hell is fred washington lol
me: i know
Brett: austin collie's pretty worthless at this point
11:34 PM me: TE was hard to come by in our league
Brett: and bush isn't that great
but the rest is pretty good
good pick on rodgers
and steve smith
me: yarp
11:35 PM i made like 30 moves throughout the season though
so my team had changed a lot
and i am trying to play you in scrabble on facebook
11:36 PM Brett: can't play in japan
some kind of copyright thingy
11:37 PM me: ruh roh!
can you play scrabrre there?
11:38 PM Brett: you mean sukuraberu
thats how it would be spelled
11:40 PM me: interesting
11:41 PM Brett: yeah i can pretty much automatically japanize any word at this point lol
11:42 PM b/c when there's a word in japanese I don't know, you can just make it japanese sounding and half the time they'll understand what you're talking about
like my students didnt understant "olive oil"
but they got "oribu oieru"
me: really?
weeeeird
Brett: no not really
11:43 PM because
all loan words from other languages are just japanized using their alphabet
japanese alphabet has no L or B sound, and every consonant must be followed by a vowel
11:44 PM me: this sounds like a math problem...
Brett: you just get used to it
there are so many loan words from english
that sometimes it sounds like they are just trying to speak english and failing
11:45 PM me: wow
that is really interesting
8(><)8
Brett: yeah its frustrating though, b/c if you say a word the right way they wont understand you
so you have to say it their retarded way
and you feel like a jackass
11:46 PM me: hahahah
just like how i felt dealing with my ex wife
11:49 PM Brett: duuude
i used that joke a lot
and never got one laugh
lol
11:50 PM me: must be a cultural difference
because i'm sure it was hilarious
11:51 PM Brett: lol
11:52 PM it was americans i was telling the joke to
haha
maybe its b/c they just haven't met rurrrsny durrrrniel
me: rurrsny durniel
11:53 PM lol
good surth africurn nirck narmer
11:54 PM Brett: i love how that sounds nothing like a south african but is still hilarious
just like my impression of tom gonzalez
hah
me: hahahhaahhaha
it secretly is a long island accent
they add r's to shit
11:55 PM they say stuff like idear
11:56 PM Brett: south effricans fookin talk like this
me: lol
Brett: thees
me: good typing
look at thees fookin book buggah
11:57 PM itz fookin so big thees blokes carnt feenish it
Brett: lol wtf
11:59 PM waht a buncha fackin retaads, eh twooguns?
12:01 AM me: lol
jokah
spikez
aleave
jedi
dallas
warper
Brett: buddy
me: tongs
Brett: gippah
12:02 AM me: crawlah
Brett: Shoseki
Takamuri
me: stonestown
Brett: Yoshikawa
Morishita
me: backugon
Brett: Yamada
me: harajuku
taiko
gasp
maggamoto
12:03 AM Brett: lol
bonah
ricecake
ronald reagan
ho-bag
skeezah
pop-shove it
12:04 AM me: lol
skunkie
melarchy
chinaman
plunkah
alex da raptur ochoar
Brett: ha
mullet
partymaster
da champ
house of pain
12:05 AM mumbly
matters
me: simple sam
12:06 AM Brett: mix masta mario
me: suckley
Brett: boehmeranious
me: johnny "buy me an asian" ni
shaolo portz
12:07 AM Brett: alright i gtg home
ttyl
tonks
da machine
"meh"
me: lol
laters broseph
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