Winter Break

After 5 months of working my first real job, I am finally getting some time off.

I got off last Thursday (Christmas Eve), and I don't have to go back to work until Jan. 4th.

This break has been absolutely amazing, and I have been trying to take advantage of my free mornings and afternoons with some very important activities:

1. sitting in my underwear on the couch
2. going to the gym everyday
3. waking up at 9 instead of 7:30
4. watching HBO and Showtime premiums on demand
5. keeping up with Jersey Shore
6. attempted to make vegetable stock from scratch
7. hanging out with my bro and sister
8. touch football at HBHS
9. going to the movies 3 times

Man, life really is wonderful.

hilarious conversation with brett

this is what my life has become, and it is absolutely hilarious:

me: brert

what up dude

Brett: yo

just at school

everyone is at a meeting

dude

have i ever told you about japanese toilets?

me: no...

11:05 PM Brett: they are the best

from the future

they are electric

they have heated seats

11:06 PM which rocks b/c its like 38 degrees today

they have both a bidet and a separate vag cleaner

11:07 PM the sink is built into the top of the toilet. Its the part that refills with water after you flush... so you dont waste any water when you wash your hands at all

11:08 PM me: haha

11:09 PM and you like the bidet?

nice and clean butt for your partner?

Brett: no dude

dont even talk

its the greatest

imagine having a squeaky clean ass all day

improves your confidence lol

11:10 PM or think about when you pinch one off, and it takes like a million wipes to clean it

you can just blast yourself with some high pressure and bam you're good as new with 2 wipes

me: that is awesome

Brett: did i mention you can adjust the pressure

me: i am actually envious

Brett: yeah man

11:11 PM its changed my life lol

some of them even make sounds for when you are in a public bathroom and you wanna let one rip

like a fake flush

me: i've read about that

Brett: haha yeah

me: dude

i was #3 in fantasy football all year

11:12 PM and #2 for a lot of it

and i just lost to the #6 player in the 1st round of playoffs as i scored my lowest score of the season

siiiiigh

Brett: weak

who fudged up for you?

i murdered, 130+pts

11:13 PM btw

11:15 PM me: i have been scoring like 135-170 all season

and i score 106

aaaaaahrg!!!

Brett: oh your league scoring must be different from mine

me: yeah

tiz

11:16 PM Brett: 130 is the highest i've scored all season and i'm in 1st

won 7 straight

me: what network do you play on?

i'm yahoo

Brett: me too

you must have more players

11:17 PM 2 QB's?

11:19 PM me: 1 qb

3 wr

2 rb

1 wr/rb/te

1 te

1 def

1 defensive player

Brett: ohhhh you have a flex

11:20 PM me: 1 k

Brett: woah and a defensive player?

me: yeah

Brett: oh crazy

me: yeah

Brett: we dont have flex or defensive player

me: did you play with 2 d's?

11:21 PM Brett: you mean did i keep one on my bench?

yeah and i would drop/add almost every week for the best matchups

11:22 PM me: 2 d's nutz bitch!

ooooooooh you fell for it!!!

the infamous brett henderson

Brett: damn!

lol

me: the guy with the $300 suit?

11:23 PM Brett: hah

check my team:

11:24 PM Aaron Rodgers, Adrian Peterson, Marion Barber/Knowshon, Andre Johnson, Sidney Rice, Michael Crabtree/Jeremy Maclin, Antonio Gates

11:25 PM NYG Kicker

Chargers plus whatever defense is playing the Rams or Raiders

11:26 PM me: how the hell did you get that team?

you have like 2 people in your league?

Brett: no i'm a baller

and i had first pick

11:27 PM rice, knowshon, maclin, the K and defenses were all free agent / waiver pickups

me: good calls

Brett: sidney rice put me over the top

my only draft bust was eddie fuckin royal

11:28 PM me: hah

Brett: oh and devery henderson

me: good team though

Brett: yeah

i didnt have any WR at the beginning of the year

besides johnson

so yeah sidney rice, crabtree, and maclin off the waiver wires is what saved me

11:29 PM actually our bball league is the only one that i'm sucking in out of like 4 leagues between fb and bball

me: ha

i am so sad that i lost first round

it hurts my eart

11:30 PM heart*

11:31 PM Brett: yeah thats weak

who was on your team

11:32 PM me: rodgers

mjd

reggie bush

11:33 PM steve smith (nyg)

randy moss

hines ward

patrick willis

ari/bal def

fred washington te

austin collie

Brett: who the hell is fred washington lol

me: i know

Brett: austin collie's pretty worthless at this point

11:34 PM me: TE was hard to come by in our league

Brett: and bush isn't that great

but the rest is pretty good

good pick on rodgers

and steve smith

me: yarp

11:35 PM i made like 30 moves throughout the season though

so my team had changed a lot

and i am trying to play you in scrabble on facebook

11:36 PM Brett: can't play in japan

some kind of copyright thingy

11:37 PM me: ruh roh!

can you play scrabrre there?

11:38 PM Brett: you mean sukuraberu

thats how it would be spelled

11:40 PM me: interesting

11:41 PM Brett: yeah i can pretty much automatically japanize any word at this point lol

11:42 PM b/c when there's a word in japanese I don't know, you can just make it japanese sounding and half the time they'll understand what you're talking about

like my students didnt understant "olive oil"

but they got "oribu oieru"

me: really?

weeeeird

Brett: no not really

11:43 PM because

all loan words from other languages are just japanized using their alphabet

japanese alphabet has no L or B sound, and every consonant must be followed by a vowel

11:44 PM me: this sounds like a math problem...

Brett: you just get used to it

there are so many loan words from english

that sometimes it sounds like they are just trying to speak english and failing

11:45 PM me: wow

that is really interesting

8(><)8

Brett: yeah its frustrating though, b/c if you say a word the right way they wont understand you

so you have to say it their retarded way

and you feel like a jackass

11:46 PM me: hahahah

just like how i felt dealing with my ex wife

11:49 PM Brett: duuude

i used that joke a lot

and never got one laugh

lol

11:50 PM me: must be a cultural difference

because i'm sure it was hilarious

11:51 PM Brett: lol

11:52 PM it was americans i was telling the joke to

haha

maybe its b/c they just haven't met rurrrsny durrrrniel

me: rurrsny durniel

11:53 PM lol

good surth africurn nirck narmer

11:54 PM Brett: i love how that sounds nothing like a south african but is still hilarious

just like my impression of tom gonzalez

hah

me: hahahhaahhaha

it secretly is a long island accent

they add r's to shit

11:55 PM they say stuff like idear

11:56 PM Brett: south effricans fookin talk like this

me: lol

Brett: thees

me: good typing

look at thees fookin book buggah

11:57 PM itz fookin so big thees blokes carnt feenish it

Brett: lol wtf

11:59 PM waht a buncha fackin retaads, eh twooguns?

12:01 AM me: lol

jokah

spikez

aleave

jedi

dallas

warper

Brett: buddy

me: tongs

Brett: gippah

12:02 AM me: crawlah

Brett: Shoseki

Takamuri

me: stonestown

Brett: Yoshikawa

Morishita

me: backugon

Brett: Yamada

me: harajuku

taiko

gasp

maggamoto

12:03 AM Brett: lol

bonah

ricecake

ronald reagan

ho-bag

skeezah

pop-shove it

12:04 AM me: lol

skunkie

melarchy

chinaman

plunkah

alex da raptur ochoar

Brett: ha

mullet

partymaster

da champ

house of pain

12:05 AM mumbly

matters

me: simple sam

12:06 AM Brett: mix masta mario

me: suckley

Brett: boehmeranious

me: johnny "buy me an asian" ni

shaolo portz

12:07 AM Brett: alright i gtg home

ttyl

tonks

da machine

"meh"

me: lol

laters broseph